Life after redundancy - into the unknown

I've wanted to consistently write a blog for so many years but have never found the time to get it off the ground. I suppose what happened last week has finally given me the space and permission to give it a real shot. The past week has been an absolute rollercoaster; I’ve felt every emotion under the sun and have both laughed and cried more than enough for the whole year, I reckon.

It’s left me with a big question: ‘What now?’ I don't want to go back to working outside the house every day, leaving the kids early in the morning only to return late, missing out on their day-to-day lives. I hate that the little time I do have outside of work is spent tidying, cleaning, doing laundry, feeding the children, walking the dogs, and tackling DIY projects. I’m not exactly thrilled about having zero time for myself, little quality time with my kids and my husband, and no room to just be. Perhaps this is the push I need to create a life that truly works for me and my family. Maybe, one day, I’ll even feel grateful for this situation, but right now, it feels daunting—full of pressure and a whole bag of unknowns.

It’s funny, isn’t it? You go through school with everyone asking you what you want to do when you’re older. I spent countless hours of my childhood dreaming about what I would be, what job I would have. Like many, I wanted to be a vet. I also fancied being a PA. And, yes, I wanted to be a writer too—I wrote stories and plays from as early as I can remember. I was desperate to be in S Club Juniors (never mind that I can’t sing!), and I really wanted to be an actor. But never, in any of those daydreams, did I imagine this would be where I’d end up. Right now, I feel like I’m at the bottom of the pile.

So, where do I go from here? No one tells you about this part of adulthood—the bit where you have bills to pay, two children to feed, and a house to keep running, but no job. Yes, my husband works, but I’ve never wanted to feel like a ‘kept woman’. I’ve always battled with the notion of whether I’m contributing enough—financially and physically. How do I navigate this new normal without letting these feelings drag me under?

I honestly don’t know what’s next for me, in this life after redundancy, but here’s what I do know: I love a good chat, I love getting to know people, and I love helping others. Last week, I was made redundant. I was given one week’s notice and went home that very day. By Friday, I received my last pay cheque—and who knows when the next one will come? I’ve got so much to share and a lot I believe I can offer the world. So here we go—into the unknown (Frozen reference for those who know!). I hope you enjoy my wandering thoughts along the way. Let’s see where this journey takes us. But for now, go on, sit down, take five, and have a cuppa for me!

Katy x